I have been exploring the concept of radical validation for years. It has become a top focus of mine over the last 6 months, and with each passing day my opinion grows stronger: Radical Validation is the cure for everything.
Hypnosis is what first planted this concept in my mind. On January 24th, 2022 I had my first ever live hypnosis session, facilitated by Leo Max. At the end of our incredible journey I told him I had never been so validated in my life. Leo was essentially the Observer, witnessing everything I shared and curious for more. Whatever came up was valid and enough information to keep going in that direction.
I had been exploring hypnosis through To Be Magnetic for 2 years prior to this session, so I was generally aware of the concepts of the subconscious. What was different was having someone holding space live, in the moment. TBM uses recorded hypno-meditations that help you access memories and information from the subconscious. But, within these recordings it is easy to search for or input information you “think” should be there, rather than allowing information to naturally present and then following that new thread.
Clients who have a difficult time with radical validation often struggle with control and self-doubt. Everything stems back to childhood. What we experienced then is the lens in which we experience life now… that is, until you change it.
“When you fully accept yourself you will have everything you desire.”
An example I often share with new clients when talking about this concept is from a Thai Massage I had when I first moved to Costa Rica…
This was my first Thai massage, and for those who haven’t had one- essentially, the masseuse moves around you, manipulating your body while you lay on the ground. The more passive you are while receiving the massage, the better. At one point, the masseuse was seated behind me. I was sitting up with my knees bent in front of me (feet planted on the floor). He was holding my shoulders and gently peeling them back, while his toes pressed into my upper back (between my shoulder blades).
Essentially, my shoulders pulled back and my chest pushed forward. All of a sudden I became aware of his right toes pressing into the space between my spine and my right shoulder blade and my mind became flooded with fears around money. “Why did I commit to renting this house, what if I can’t afford it, how am I going to make money,” etc, etc. The critical part of my mind jumped in and said, “Why can you just be in the present moment?!” To which I hear, “I am in the present moment. This is where my fears about money are trapped. They have to come up to be validated before they can be released.”
I love this example because it showcases a few points:
The inner critical mind that we often believe more than the other parts of ourselves.
How seemingly non-sensical important information can be, until you learn to validate.
Most importantly, the process of validation. Information arises (in many different ways), we observe and validate it rather than rationalize out of it, and then it can be released.
It’s like we are trapped under layers of unvalidated experiences. Every time it comes up to be released and we push it back down, it gets bigger.
Another important piece to remember is information only comes up when YOU are ready to handle it. That is one of the most common fears when beginning self inquiry, and what keeps a lot of people stuck in their negative patterns: they’re afraid of what might come up. But, trust that nothing will present until you are capable of handling it. With that trust, you will be able to let go of searching for information and let it come to you.
When people come to visit me in Costa Rica they’re often excited to see the monkeys. They get hyper focused on finding them, but if they’re looking, they won’t see them. The monkeys present themselves to you when you’re in the flow of nature.
My mom came to visit me a couple months ago and the monkeys were one of the first things she talked about wanting to see. I shared this with her- that the more she focused on them, the longer it would take to see them. One day, in the middle of her visit, we were deep in the flow of nature. I was following my intuition and took her to an amazing cafe on 150 acres of private property. After lunch, we walked through the jungle and came to an incredible Guanacaste Tree. These are sacred trees here, and are named after this region of the country. They are magnificent. As my mom and I stood under the tree in awe of its size and beauty, our eyes adjusted to see dozens of monkeys. Perhaps close to 30. They were everywhere.
I invite you to look back at the picture at the top of this post and notice all the monkeys!
This is another wonderful example of the magic that can come from validation:
I got a ping to drive to the next town to take my mom to lunch at this specific cafe.
We walked with no agenda through the jungle, just witnessing.
The tree caught our eye and we stayed with it, in curiosity.
Our eyes adjusted to notice what was in front of us the whole time.
This is the same equation for validation within yourself.
Radical validation is allowing every thought, memory, urge, disconnection, need, desire, or physical sensation to be valid.
This does not mean it is explicitly true or implies anything about you, a situation or another person. It is simply information that is valid in its own existence.
This includes the good, the bad and the ugly. But, when you cultivate a strong Observer Mind, you begin to learn that there is no such thing as good and bad. There just is. So, no matter what is coming through to be validated you can witness and accept it for what it is, without it meaning anything else.
Validation requires self-trust. And, through cultivating validation and self-trust you begin to see your true self. Your needs become clearer and you’re happy to meet them. You feel more capable beginning new projects, putting yourself out there, speaking your truth, or making big leaps of faith.
I hear all the time, “I don’t know if this has anything to do with it, but…” and my reply is always, YES. If you’re wondering if one thing is related to another, explore it. Get curious.
If you’re wondering if something is a sign, it is.
It’s a sign if you want it to be a sign. It’s not a sign if you don’t want it to be a sign. Simple as that.
How many times have you had an initial response to something that you then push past, push away or discount altogether because of some outside excuse or reason?
Every time you push past yourself you are breaking internal trust. This is a form of self-betrayal. Whether it’s not wanting to go somewhere, but you force yourself for various reasons, or you’re tired, but you stay up hours later scrolling, talking to a friend, or watching tv. The examples are endless, and only you know the unique ways in which you push past yourself.
I invite you to start a list. Write down any moment you go against your truth. This takes awareness and observation, but that’s the first step in any healing.
Some responses that are great for internal validation:
Thank you for letting me know.
Interesting, Fascinating or Curious
Tell me more.
What else?
If you’d like deeper support, this is a main focus in my mentorships. I will personally guide you through this learning process, while helping to reflect areas you may be overlooking. You can find more information on my website.
Please share any thoughts, ah-ha moments or questions in the comments below! If you’re enjoying the Completely Golden Substack, please share with your friends and family.
Until next time, Tess
Awesome article, I will be practicing the inquisitive observer. We often seek validation from others, and as with most things it is available to us inside! I have also noticed that the more we validate ourselves, it also will come from others. Being true to your experience and needs is the best gift you can give to yourself. 🙏🏻💪🏻💫🐒