The concept of Affirmations has been coming up a lot, recently, with mentorship clients, friends and even on social media. When people ask me if I believe in, or use affirmations, my short answer is No.
I don’t believe in affirmations the way the average person thinks about them. Often, people use affirmations to hype themselves up, or “act as if.” And, if you haven’t heard me say this already- “Fake it till you make it” is dead!
You cannot fake the frequency- this means you cannot escape your subconscious limiting beliefs. I did a google search for the most common affirmations:
I am beautiful
I am happy
I am healthy
I am wealthy
All of these things are wonderful. But, if you don’t believe it within your subconscious mind, it doesn’t matter how many times you say it, you will not believe it to be true.
Our brains and bodies are highly complex systems. Within your brain, the vast majority of your processing comes from your subconscious. Over 95% of our lives are created within the subconscious mind, where only 5% (or less) comes from our conscious thinking mind. Yet, most people are so stuck in this limited thinking mind, that they live their entire lives through a narrow perspective.
The subconscious controls all of our bodily functions- breathing, heart rate, blood flow, organ functions, physical movements, etc. It also controls the way that we perceive our reality, and this comes mostly from our childhood experiences from 0-7 years old, or any significant/traumatic events later in life.
What this means is, depending on the information you learned through witnessing and personal experience, you literally see the information in your current life that validates these beliefs.
If you grew up hearing that money was evil, you likely have this subconscious belief. Because we are wired for survival and we need community for survival, we do not want to be perceived as evil, so we block the flow of money in order to be accepted. This concept goes for every single belief you have about life:
Gender dynamics
Politics
Education
Religion/Spirituality
Body Image
Sex
Food
Employment
Societal Norms
Fashion
Language
Sleep
Finances
Friendships
Family Dynamics
Romantic Relationships
The list is literally endless, and I invite you to make a list of all your beliefs for each category- positive beliefs and limiting beliefs
What you believe to be true may not be real. Someone might have told you based on their experience, or you saw it in a tv show or Disney movie, or the kids in your elementary class acted a certain way and you wanted to fit in.
When we have these deep rooted internal belief systems, that are often part of a grand web connecting to other beliefs, we can not simply tell ourselves something different.
Your brain is made up of neural pathways, and every single neural pathway holds one of these beliefs. The average person has about 25 quadrillion neural pathways (or 25,000 trillion).
I like to use this analogy: If you have a pathway from childhood that has been on repeat every moment of every day for as long as you have been alive, that pathway could be compared to the Grand Canyon. When we try to change a belief system that is that vast, it’s like dragging a stick in the dirt off of the main channel. You are going to be there dragging that stick, forever.
That is what regular affirmations are like- pointless. They’re so shallow that the subconscious won’t even recognize it, and the moment the original limiting belief is validated, any residue of that affirmation is completely wiped away. And, as I mentioned- your subconscious is constantly scanning for validation.
So, let’s take that example of the “I am beautiful” affirmation. You have a subconscious limiting belief that you are not beautiful. Maybe this was instilled when you were 4 years old, in one of the countless ways this information comes in. Boom- limiting belief created and has been looping daily for the last 30 years. Your subconscious is validating this belief in every moment it can- when you meet your friend for lunch and you think she’s prettier than you, when you’re at yoga and you see the instructor is in better shape, when you watch a movie and the guy falls in love with the girl. It’s literally constant. You might not be fully aware of it, but it’s happening and your subconscious is literally scanning everything in your reality in order to validate and confirm this belief.
Your belief that you are not beautiful is not real. You are beautiful and in the same way that external validation doesn’t work (a million people could tell you you’re beautiful, but if you don’t believe it, it won’t matter what they say), affirmations are the same.
However, it has dawned on me that I do utilize affirmations, in the form of validating reminders.
I have been using the reminders app on my phone for years. I started putting in little sayings I would hear or thoughts that I would have, and set them to off at a random recurring time.
The more I need to integrate a specific reminder, the more often it goes off. As it is integrated and no longer feels as charged, or relevant, I space the time farther out. So, some may go off every day, while others may go off every 3 months.
Here is my entire list of validating reminders.
Please use any you feel connected to:
There is a need for you
When it’s meant to be, everything will align easily
The type of love you daydream about exists because you exist
I am exactly where I’m supposed to be
I am safe to be small, open and soft
There are infinite doors yet to reveal themselves
When you fully accept yourself, you will have everything you desire
The more I relax the more I receive
Your manifestation is on the other side of your fear
Let go and let God
I am a vessel of endless potential, there is nothing holding me back
Saying no increases my magnetism
People pleasing lowers my self worth
You never know where your life will be
Does this support the life I am trying to create?
Be cautious when people offer too much, too soon
Take an hour to respond, if triggered
Offer to talk it out, there is always more information
This is the most magnetic thing I can be doing right now
Behold- I will do a new thing!
Clear the runway
Don’t take it personally, trust yourself
You are not selfish for wanting the same love and energy you give
Are you indeed alone?
I don’t know what’s next, but I know it’s big
You are SO needed in this world of chaos- love Brigita (my friend)
Do less, give less, receive more
What is meant for you will always find you
Nosara will help you with everything
I am safe + worthy even when things feel out of my control
There is nothing wrong here
You’ve done enough. Rest + receive
My version of consistency is safe
It is safe to receive everything I desire
Try creating your own list, using reminders that are validating to your unique subconscious mind.
Learning to validate ourselves can feel like a radical thought, but when I learned that our subconscious is simply seeking validation, something clicked for me- why not just validate it, then.
I can let it find confirmation for its limiting beliefs, or I can use my 5% conscious brain power to truly validate myself.
Our beliefs are formed around a root need for safety and connection, in order to stay alive. The auto-pilot version of this will keep you in behavioral patterns that have worked in the past. However, when you can directly address this root need by listening to everything it has to say and showing it that you are still safe, even without that belief, then it can dissolve.
This is why I am constantly going on about cultivating your ability to observe, taking really tiny micro-steps to create change, and becoming so radical in your ability to validate (aka soothe and nurture) every part of yourself…
Because we are incredible complex beings, each with our own unique story and you can change your life with these tools. It takes time and consistent commitment, but it is 100% possible.
A tool that really opened up my subconscious is To Be Magnetic. It is a self-led meditation program, backed by neuroscience, and was a huge game-changer for me. You can try a free meditation, and if you enjoy it, you can join with my discount code: “TESS”, for 15% off
That’s all for now. Please share any take-aways or questions, in the comments. And please share my Substack with your community!
Tess
What is the reminders app, is that built into iPhone?
When I do a magnetic challenge with TBM or home in one a manifestation for myself, I note the new core beliefs I come up with in the DI’s and read then to myself in the morning as affirmations (when I remember to). I esp like doing it on my walk for perhaps bilateral integration. Helps to instill them further and remind me what I learned deep in the hypnosis.